I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
