girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Im part way to drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize