I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
