I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think I am morally bankrupt
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize