I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
