Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
