we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
