I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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