Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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