That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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