People with herpes should wear stickers.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
