Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
