well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
