i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize