All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
