Your face is a jimmy john
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
