just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
