belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
