i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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