4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
