do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
