is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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