I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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