the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
