needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have aggressive nipples.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
