My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
