Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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