sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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