So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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