I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
