He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There are leaves in my underwear?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
