I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
