she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
