I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
