My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
