Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just googled if crying burns calories
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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