just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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