I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
