At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
