In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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