just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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