I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
