I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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