You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
