Pants 0. Shit 1.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize