Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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