I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
