Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
