I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize