i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
