I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
