I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
