And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
