i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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