Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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