so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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