So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Randomize
