You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
