i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
