winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
