At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
