I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The feeling are messing with the penis
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize