Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
