Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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