As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
