At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize