When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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