You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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