The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My first STD was from a foam party
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
