sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
