if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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