i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
