I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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