why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i believe in u and ur pee
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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