If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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