pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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