I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize