I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
